So I've worked 5 of the last 6 nights and haven't slept much. Then last night I crashed at 9:30 only to find myself wide awake four hours later at 1:30 in the morning. I came out on the couch and watched some tv in hopes that it might help me fall back to sleep but it's now 4:45 and I'm still wide awake. What do you do, right?!
The last couple hours have allowed me to reflect on a lot of areas in my life and I decided I need to be better about recording my thoughts so this is me recording my thoughts. My brother-in-law Garrett got home from his mission in Puerto Rico yesterday. He had left the month before Hayley and I started dating so this was the first time we had the opportunity to meet. I must say that I am very impressed with the Spirit that he carries with him. Most newly returned missionaries carry that zest for the gospel and it was very refreshing to see that in Garrett upon his return home. I feel that I have always tried to live the gospel but seeing Garrett return home brought back feelings from my own experience as a missionary. I miss that feeling of being immersed in the gospel day in and day out. My schedule seems so busy these days that it is easy to get caught up in the trivial things of this life and forget about what is most important. God is what is most important. The gospel of Jesus Christ is what is most important. The plan of salvation is what is most important. Family is what is most important. I need to do those things each day that will bring me closer to my Father in Heaven, my Savior Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost, and my family. So, with that thought in mind I have created this blog "Small and Simple Things" which will act as an avenue for me to express my feelings of each day and relate those feelings to the gospel of Christ and the purpose of this life.
I would just like to express how grateful I am for the testimony that I have of the truthfulness of the gospel of Christ and the role that my Savior plays in the great plan of salvation that has been set forth. Without my Savior I would be lost in this world. He brings me peace and direction for which I am grateful. I am grateful that I can live with my sweet wife Hayley for time and all eternity if I keep myself worthy and do what is expected of me. I often wonder what the Lord really does expect of me especially when it comes to the way I should lead my family. As the patriarch of my family unit I feel the necessity of attaining the Spirit of the Lord to guide and direct me in important decisions that need to be made. While I realize that such important decisions should be made together with Hayley, and open communication is necessary, I feel that it is my responsibility as the head of the household to seek extra guidance and direction. The degree to which I am willing to work to obtain that guidance and direction will greatly influence the blessings that come to my wife and future children and I do not want to let them down.
We had family and friends over to mom and dad Losee's house tonight to celebrate Garrett's return from his mission. While everyone was upstairs visiting, my brother-in-law Josh and I slipped downstairs to get away from some of the craziness (we love our family deeply but sometimes a little peace and quiet is necessary). I enjoyed a really good conversation with him which allowed me to reflect on some of the feelings I have been having at this time with regards to my approach to life.
I am currently taking prerequisite classes in math and science at Salt Lake Community College so that I can apply to Pharmacy school. I am working full-time as a registered nurse at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. It feels as if I always have somewhere to be. School during the day and graveyard shifts three nights a week at the hospital. It can be a bit overwhelming at times but through it all my main focus has been on my family.
I work in a job that I don't particularly enjoy but I try and express gratitude frequently to the Lord because He has blessed me with the means to take care of the needs of my wife. I hate that I am away from my wife three nights a week. I hate that I have to leave her alone and I know that she does not enjoy it either. I tried working day shifts for a while last year but that was not enjoyable either. I found myself stressed out because the pace of days is so much busier than working nights and it was a bit overwhelming. On top of that, when I was working days I pretty much worked every other Saturday and Sunday so I was home during the week while Hayley worked and Hayley was home on the weekends while I worked. We didn't like that much. So I went back to working night shifts. Plus, now that I am back in school it is easier to work nights and do school during the day.
My focus on school has given me a hope for a brighter future (not that I am not loving my life with Hayley at this time). Not only do I think that I will enjoy a career as a pharmacist more than I would enjoy a career as a nurse but it will allow for a better family life which is what I aspire to have. First of all, it will allow me to spend more time with my family. I hope to have a schedule that I work 8:00am to 5:00pm. I don't want to be away at night anymore. I don't want to have to work weekends and holidays. I want a schedule that will allow me to be home with my wife and kids so that we can more fully develop those close relationships that are so important.
Pharmacy will also me to make more money which will allow me to better care for my family. I expressed to Josh last night that my whole purpose in wanting a more secure job with more money isn't so I can have those things of the world but it is so I can be financially stable and be able to care for the needs of my family. I want to be able to save money and resources that will allow me to take care of those I love if an emergency were to occur. I want to put away money for our children so that they can gain an education. I want to be able to use our money to take vacations and do fun activities together as a family. I want to save money so that when it is time to retire my wife will have those resources that will allow her to be comfortable. I promised Hayley when she stayed home from her mission that I would take her on a mission when we are older. I want put ourselves in a situation financially that that will be possible. I am not driven for the desire to have worldly pleasures but to care for those I love. I hope that I do not ever lose sight of that. I hope that the Lord will bless me with the humility that is necessary to always be able to discern between those things that are of most importance and to put Him first in my life.
With that I said I am reminded of a verse in the Book of Mormon that I read the other day in the Book of Jacob. It says, "But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God" (Jacob 2:18). While I would like to have the financial means to take care of my family I realize that if the Lord does not see fit to bless us with everything we want or desire then that is okay. If I seek to include the Lord in my life and I teach my family to include the Lord in their lives that is what is most important. The gospel of Jesus Christ is what brings happiness! Later on in the same book of Jacob it says that if you are blessed with riches you should use those riches to do good. As I study in my classes and seek to gain knowledge and understanding I realize that it can lead to "riches" but I continually pray unto the Lord that I will be humble enough to use my knowledge and "riches" to help those who are in need. I want to be able to put myself in a position to be an instrument in the Lord's hands so that He can use me how he sees fit. I realize I have a long way to go but I am trying.
So that's where I am at right now. Maybe those thoughts that I have expressed are sporadic but the point that I was trying to get across is that the gospel of Jesus Christ and the hope for a happy family life are what keep me motivated. I have been overwhelmed with thoughts of how much I love my wife and want to take care of her. I have been overwhelmed with how much I love our children even though they have not come to us yet. I just love my family!
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